For the next 3.5 years, I was placed in a special little hell made just for me. Nothing seemed real. And the only times that it actually felt real was when I'd break down and cry, only to feel the pain that forced me to accept that it was real. It seemed as though I would wake up from the nightmare at any given moment. Because that's what it felt like-the reality of my life was just so bad, that it seemed like it was this continuous nightmare that replayed itself day in and day out. There's absolutely no way that this kinda shit happens in real life. But apparently, it does. Apparently, it wasn't just me going through this as I had found out someone I knew was going through pretty much the same thing.
What are the odds of that? I had met this mommy almost 10 years prior and we just kept in touch basically through social media. I wondered if that was the purpose of our meeting-so that we could reconnect again 10 years later and support each other during this crisis. All of a sudden, hell didn't seem as bad anymore because I had someone to share it with and I wasn't alone. Was God having mercy on me? Did He know this was all going to happen from even 10 years ago? Did He intentionally place this person in my life so we could help each other? How could He have purposely let this happen to me? I was angry. And then frustrated. And then apologetic. This was happening to ME because I'm just always so damn ungrateful. I'm sorry!!! I'm sorry for EVERYTHING I've ever done wrong. Just tell me what I can do to fix it and I'll do it. I'll go to church every Sunday. I'll tithe 20%. Heck, just take ALL my money-I don't even need it! If you could just tell me what I can do, I'll do it.
MOM!!!, I hear my oldest yell. A brother is born in times of adversity!!! Huh? I reply. He walks over to explain, It says it in the Bible, Proverbs 17-A brother is born in times of adversity. God gave us baby G to help us through this, as he happily walks back to his room to continue reading his Bible. There's no denying that my 2nd child has given me the gift of comfort-something I could have never found anywhere else. When people ask about the ages of my kids, they're always surprised that there's such a huge 8 year age gap. I don't know...after having my first, I didn't want to have anymore children. And then one day, I decided maybe one or two more would be nice. Who knows why my feelings had changed. Maybe God placed it there, at the most perfect time, because He knew what was to come. And honestly, the timing really couldn't have been more perfect. It was definitely more challenging and a lot of work for me since I was basically the only adult taking care of the entire family, but baby G was the only one I had that I could physically cling onto since he had no choice but to be with me at all times. While everyone else went off to school or work or Dr's appointments, baby G stayed with me and never left my side. It's ironic to think that perhaps I needed him, a baby, more than he needed me. Where baby G provided me with comfort, my oldest provided me with insight, wisdom, and the ability to pull me out of my despair. Yah, maybe a brother IS born in times of adversity, I thought. And just like that, I was momentarily saved from my personal hell as God showed me His grace. It was like He was there, even before the beginning, and He strategically placed certain people along the way, at the perfect times to show me-Hey, you're not alone. I've been right here all along.
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